One Leg, Eight Years

Eight years ago last Friday I became an amputee.  As Friday progressed I found myself working and on my feet for almost seven hours straight.  By the time the day was over I was exhausted and had barely had anytime to think about what the day meant, let alone what the same day eight years ago meant and means to me now.  Thinking back on it a few days later my first reaction is joy, joy at the fact that I am able to be on my feet and do everything I need to do at work and at home even though I am an amputee.  There was no sadness in me on this day, a friend told me "congratulations" and then quickly stopped and asked if that was the right thing to say, I had to stop and think for a second but quickly I felt yes, that is the best thing to say.  As I've mentioned and made clear in previous posts it was a hard eight years, but what I've been able to accomplish in that time is equally as amazing as whatever hardship I have suffered through.

I lost my leg, my ability to compete in the sports I love, the ability to run, the ability to catch a bus that I would have caught if I had left the house 15 seconds earlier, the ability to slide on wood floors in my socks but I didn't lose myself or my ability to heal and move on.  There was a time when seeing people running, and playing soccer or basketball felt like a dagger to the heart.  Every once in a while I would head back to the basketball court and attempt some form of a comeback, but I just couldn't do it.  I would play in a pickup game and my whole body would react just like it always did but my prosthesis couldn't keep up.  My body couldn't do what my brain wanted and tried to make it do.  I finally gave up, it was just too painful, going to the courts put what I could no longer do square in my line of sight.  I no longer miss the sports, if I was given a chance one way or another to play like I used to I would take it in a heartbeat, but now I find myself missing the smaller things, like I mentioned before wood floor and socks...

That's the loss, but what have I gained and more importantly what have I accomplished in the last eight years.  I completed seven marathons on a hand-cycle with a PR of an hour and about 5o minutes, that's right I've done a marathon in under two hours.  Learned to whitewater kayak and helped and encouraged other survivors to do the same.  Graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison with a Bachelors of Arts in Psychology.  Played in a rock and roll band for five years straight.  Spent two years working with people with developmental disabilities.  Moved across the world to S. Korea, and back across the world to Portland, Oregon.  And now here I am in a city, on my own, regaining my confidence and independence and building the life I want to live.  That's a pretty amazing eight years all things considered.  

I'm not shy about my prosthesis, I don't hide it under skin colored foam or hesitate to where shorts.  This has led to some pretty great interactions with kids and adults alike.  One of my favorites is the time I walked out of a restaurant in Chicago.  There was a boy, probably around three years old, he literally fell over and proceeded to shout "mom, mom, there's a robot, a giant robot, mom there's a giant dinosaur".  I've thought about this one often and can't really find the connection between robots and dinosaurs beyond being three years old and the latter being the two awesomest things you know exist, I took it as a compliment.  

On another occasion I was at a Christmas party and I wasn't wearing a sock on my prosthetic foot, just a rubber foot sticking out of the end of my pants.  This little girl came up to me and said "did you have plastic surgery?"  Being the gentleman that I am, I responded by showing her the entire prosthesis and explaining what had happened to me.  She proceeded to follow me around the entire night telling me how cool my robot leg was.  I found myself being forced to make small talk with the only seven year old at the party, we talked about pie and she didn't even like pie, which I didn't get, I mean come on imagine being seven and turning down pie.  She was a sweetheart though.  

I've always loved kids reactions to me and my prosthesis.  They say the first thing that comes to mind and don't worry about offending me, which is really a thing of beauty.  I love the opportunity to show it to them and explain my story.  I consider it an honor to be able to show kids and adults alike that there are people all over the world doing amazing things despite whatever difference in ability exists.  

Adults, on the other hand, are much harder to be nice to when they stick my amputated foot in their mouth.  One of my favorites instances of said foot in mouth and one that I still find genuinely humorous occurred when discussing the price of micro chip prosthesis's a relative said "those must cost an arm and uhhhhhhh really expensive".  Some how I managed not to burst out laughing right then and there, but I get a good smile every time I think of that moment.  

One interaction I've had, that to this day  I am amazed I didn't chew this individual out, was with a dental hygienist.  She was in her early 20's and she was more of a Kraft single than a five year sharp cheddar in the cheese world.  So she comes in to start cleaning my teeth and obviously had read the words cancer and amputation in my files, and probably nothing else.  I quote " so uh you had cancer of the leg?".  I was so taken aback at how ludicrous this sounded, let alone that she would think I would want to talk about this with her, all I could manage was "uh yes".  Again "so did they just keep doing amputations till it was gone?".  My reaction "yes they cut off my leg inch by inch until miraculously they cut out the cancer because we live in the dark ages and actually my surgery was done in a cave by the last living Neanderthals....".  Really all I could manage again was "uh yeah", I didn't want to go through trying to explain what actually happened, after she made her complete lack of medical knowledge known.  I said the second "uh yeah" with an undertone of "if you know what's good for you, you'll close your mouth and clean my teeth".  What I should of said is "actually no, my leg was taken off in a single operation and the following night was the most painful sleepless night of my life", that would have made her think and shut her mouth at the same time.  All offensiveness aside, I know this girl was doing the best she could.  Makes me glad I'm a patient person and that I waited till years later,to put her in her place, in a blog she'll never read.

Another thing that happened on occasion was when I would pull into a disabled parking spot someone would see this young healthy guy in the driver seat and just stare at me.  Usually I would get out, they would see my leg or slight limp and move along.  One time, I was pulling into a spot at the local watering hole, with my window down, and before I had even parked this middle aged man said something along the lines of "who do you think are parking there?"  I put my disabled tag on the rear view mirror, stepped out of the car in shorts and gave him one of the most satisfying glares of my life.  I didn't say a word, hopefully he learned to think before opening his mouth.

The grand champion though, the one that takes the cake, the one that makes everything else look completely normal came while I was waiting in line at an ATM.  A homeless woman approached me and basically berated me for not eating my amputated leg because if I had it would have grown back.  She claimed that doctors don't tell people this because then they wouldn't make any money.  I couldn't respond to this, I just stared at her and thought how was I suppose to do that?  I won't get into any finer details with that one as it makes my own stomach a bit squeamish.  This is another one that always brings a smile to my face for how ridiculous and absurd it was.

In closing, I'm very excited for the next eight years and the rest of my life.  I know I've accomplished many things but there is so much more to do!