We are over halfway through the first month of the year and most of our resolutions have either been broken or aborted. I've never been one to make grandiose plans to start life a new on January first. I find there is too much pressure involved in it, and while symbolically January first is the beginning of something new, any other day is an equally ripe opportunity to begin changing your life.
I'm taking a different approach this year. I have more goals and plans than at any other point in my life, but I'm putting zero pressure on myself. My negative habits and behaviors have developed over years so I am not going to set myself up to fail and try and change them all over night. This approach has already started paying dividends.
So what are these goals and plans I'm making for myself?
I started on a very basic level and promised myself to listen to my heart and do the things I know make me happy. When you get down to it, it is as simple as taking a moment to realize what makes your heart beat, what lights you up from the inside, and what makes you excited about life. On a deep level we know these things about ourselves, but too often we get caught up in the world and forget to listen to our hearts. You've got to love yourself to be happy, no matter where you are or what you're doing in life, there is no way around it, YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOURSELF!
I started with that, the simple goal of loving myself and taking better care of myself, it is surprisingly easy and addictive once you get started. I tap myself on the chest before I walk into work, I say it in my head "Peter, I love you, you're flawed like every human being but you've done so many good things and have so many more good deeds to accomplish". It doesn't always work, doesn't always relieve the nagging anxieties I have about life, but it always helps. And the more I repeat it the more it is ingrained within me and causes me to consistently act out of kindness.
Once you get in touch with your heart, once you get accustomed to following it, all the other pieces of your life start falling into place. Once you start breaking your bad habits it becomes harder to fall prey to them because you know how much better you feel when you aren't say...drinking a six pack of beer on your own. Which brings me to drinking, a habit I plan on breaking or finding a better balance with this year.
Growing up in Wisconsin I've seen my fair share of lives hanging in the balance due to alcoholism, it's a heartbreaking thing. In Portland I've noticed people sip on beers and manage to make a single pint last....an hour. I don't know if that happens in Wisconsin, it seems everyone is chugging 3o PBR's a night. I don't consider myself a full-on alcoholic, but I know addiction is in my genes and that at points in my life I've drink too much for the wrong reasons.
I didn't have a drop of alcohol for the first ten days of the year, which was easy once I got passed the first couple days. Since then there have been birthday parties etc. and when everyone is drinking so am I. I love the comradery of it. If you're looking for someone to stay up all night with talking nonsense that's me. I also genuinely like beer, I like the taste and I like searching out new beers to try, which there are no lack of in Portland. Oh, and I like whiskey too...
The real problem is that I never cut myself off. It's an infinite loop, the more I drink the more I want to drink. Imagine a bowl of chili, it can only hold so much chili, but you keep putting more and more chili in the bowl until eventually it's overflowing all over the place. Now turn that chili into whatever is coming out of my mouth at two in the morning when I've been drinking. I'm liable to tell whoever happens to be listening things such as, how much I make an hour, the history of pizza burgers, and oh maybe whatever the story of my latest heartbreak is. Then I wake up the next day, feeling awful, thinking who was I talking to when I said that and why did I say that. I don't like myself in these moments and I know I'm not respecting my body when I binge drink. With all my body has carried me through I think I owe it some respect, so I'm getting back on the wagon. I want to give myself 30 days and get to a point where I can have a couple beers and leave it at that. We'll see where it takes me.
Here is a list of other goals I've made for the year. Pretty basic and generic...
Start a blog...done!
Cook something I've never cooked before once a week
Buy a bicycle
Play music
Exercise
Write
Drink Less
Volunteer
The overarching theme is clearly to be happier and healthier. I feel like I am on the right path and can definitely accomplish these within the next year, which is pretty exciting. It's going to be a good year for sure!
P.S. My apologies for the chili analogy, it doesn't really make any sense but sometimes I need to indulge my absurd sense of humor.
Ice cream every day.
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