It is only human nature to relapse or regress at some point, it happens to all of us throughout life multiple times. One moment we are on top of the world thinking, "I've really made progress in the last few months" and in the next moment we are right back where we started, wondering how we got to a place we thought we had finally left far behind. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a sob story, this is just my usual attempt to be honest.
For a couple of months I found myself back in the place I set out to leave behind when I started this writing project. The place I had occupied for years, that in its purest essence is simply a lack of faith in myself and the world around me. A place I never occupied in my younger years and a place, that overtime, I grew all to familiar with as I tried to muscle my way over the hump of Cancer, Amputation, Post-Traumatic Stress and Depression. Alright enough, you all know that already.
Maybe it was the eight months of winter with more than 30 days of temps in the -20's (I'm not exaggerating people, I always said Portland wasn't cold enough but get it together Saskatoon!). Or maybe it was the 10 month wait for immigration, that didn't seem like much for the first few, but the weight of not working and simultaneously building a new relationship definitely grew heavier as the months carried on. It really doesn't matter though, the only thing to do is say "alright, I made it through that, I'm ready to get up and face whatever is next" while knowing I am a bit stronger thanks to what I am now moving beyond.
Onto the good. As of April 6th I am officially a permanent resident of Canada! What does this mean, I can now legally work in Canada and I have a health card. Yes, I do have this whole free health insurance thing.
I'm not sure the system here is the solution, well... I'm sure it's not. In most cases it is good but with access to all comes long long long waits, which can mean getting your final diagnosis of various diseases a couple months after the fact, which may also be a matter of life and death (don't take that the wrong way, as far as I'm concerned health care is a right everyone should have). This is a topic for another time though, hopefully someday health care will get sorted. The biggest thing I've noticed is how much I am used to the American system and getting whatever tests, prosthetic maintenance etc. I need ASAP, that is not the case here. Again, with access to all most docs want to make sure you really need what you are asking for so that everyone gets the care they need. My prosthesis is covered, but I'm still navigating the waters and figuring out how to get the service it requires, appointments have been made though.
Something I haven't mentioned, is that for the last six months I have been teaching Yoga to kids and youth of all ages, from kindergarteners all the way up to youth in their early 20's. For the young ones I have to give a full story of my leg before we can do anything Yoga related. This has been fun as kids will ask me anything and their innocence can bring me to laughter just as well as tears. One question where I had to swallow a few back was, "how sad did losing your leg make you?" This from a sixth grader, my answer, "it made me sad for years". And then I show them pictures of me surfing, climbing and completing marathons and tell them that whatever happens in life they are strong enough to continue on and live amazing lives. And then we do Yoga, and they see with their own eyes how I can still move, stand on my head, crack jokes and share the things I've learned. Not many things bring me more joy than this, it seems to be an amazing use of my life experience.
I've learned many things from this experience; one of them being the age at which it is too young to give kids the chance to ask questions. While teaching a quick 20 minute session with a group of kindergarteners, I gave time for questions and one child mumbled something, I asked her to repeat it and very loudly she said "there must have been a lot of blood" in reference to me losing my leg. I stifled a laugh and quickly closed the floor for questions.
I did mention that I can now legally work, which means I'm back in human services. I'll be the first to admit it is not my dream job, but luckily it is a job I do find joy in doing. I'm currently working in a house where I support two individuals with mental disabilities and even though I have a couple years experience they are teaching me many things. Millissa sure appreciates the fact that I'm making some bread now too.
Which brings me to the other thing that has been progressing, Millissa and I have now been married over a year. I can't really believe the first year of marriage has already come and gone. Many things have happened and in all honesty it feels like the last year took place in about five minutes.
What have I learned? Well first to state the obvious to anyone that has been in a longterm committed relationship; one of the best ways to get to know yourself is to be dedicated to someone, spend time with them on a daily basis and see them get to know you. As much as I am getting to know Millissa, I am getting to know myself. Seeing Millissa try and decipher the 15 different meanings of my 15 different inflections of "mmm hmm" has been as informative to me as it is frustrating to her.
The biggest challenge over the first year has been establishing the foundation of our relationship. I assume that is the first and often most challenging step of all intimate relationships, it has been tedious for us at times but I know we are making progress. What we do have and what is constant, is a deep seeded love for each other. This doesn't mean we haven't come to the trivial place of wondering if we have either taken the greatest leap of faith, or made a large mistake by getting together so rapidly. That's just it though, the love we feel is an unavoidable pull towards each other, it doesn't mean once the pull brings us close we know how to fit together. This is any relationship's challenge in its purest form; how two people fit together.
Dealing with finances, new jobs, lack of jobs and on and on, are all things that make it that much harder to meld our lives into one. So we're married but we're dating. Dealing with the hard stuff after doing the easy part and tying the knot. With each day it gets easier and we still make each other laugh uncontrollably often so I'm pretty sure we got this. Love you Millissa, looking forward to what the rest of year two has in store.
One thing it does have in store is a trip to Wisconsin in the coming days. Millissa and I will be making the 18 hour drive from Saskatoon to Spring Green next week. I haven't been home for the last two summers and Millissa has never seen the beauty of the Driftless Region in summer so I'm really excited for this coming trip. As usual we'll be around for about a week, which won't seem near long enough but we'll take what we can get.
One of many highlights of this trip will be attending the 10th year of 4PeteSake's Day in the Park. For those of you who don't know, 4PeteSake is an organization started by some amazing individuals in the Spring Green community that supports people facing medical emergencies in their life. It was originally founded in 2004 to provide the funds needed to purchase myself a state of the art prosthesis. Needless to say I am humbled and honored to see how 4PeteSake has grown and continues to serve people in need. I never could have imagined anything so incredibly positive coming out of the battles I faced. If you are in Wisconsin get yourself to Spring Green on August 17th for a fundraiser like no other. I'll be playing some songs and giving a brief speech around 5 in the evening. For more info checkout 4petesake.com.
Enjoy the rest of your summer!
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