I've been married for a week now! It feels real but I still can't believe it is. Over the next few months I imagine everything will sink into a different level and I can't wait for that. Being with Millissa is so incredibly easy and freeing, I want her around me all the time. We can go from making each other laugh uncontrollably to having very intense conversations about what it means to be a survivor and how complicated mental healing is. The dynamic Millissa and I share is what I always thought love should be; I am so thankful and relieved to have found her.
The last week has been a whirlwind, I don't know if I can sum it up because I was so floored and happy the entire time, but I will try. Actually, no I won't, I am going skip a bunch and say, there were a number of dinners leading up to the wedding, and now I'll tell you about the wedding day.
The day started normally enough, breakfast, hanging out with family, wondering what Millissa was doing with her ladies. I wasn't nervous. We were hoping to have the wedding outdoors in a field overlooking the Columbia River Gorge, but the weather did not cooperate so we had to move it to the lodge my family rented. Which was all good and fine, except all of the sudden the ceremony was moved from three to four, which meant I had an hour more to wait. Still, I was calm and everything was good.
Then two o'clock rolled around and there was no food anywhere, I was thinking "wait, am I just not suppose to eat until after I get married, are you allowed to get married on an empty stomach?" So I did the obvious, grab some brothers, friends, and a sister and said "find me Hood River's best tuna melt, cause I am getting married with tuna breath!" Okay, not exactly but I did eat a tuna melt and brushed my teeth before the ceremony.
Post tuna melt I got back to the lodge and got changed into my wedding getup, still calm... Then 3:30 rolls around and I am pacing, pacing nonstop and my heart is pounding, not because I am nervous or questioning my decision but because I can't wait to go through with this, I can't wait for Millissa and I to be bonded together for the rest of our lives! So there I am, people are trickling in, and I am waiting.
The next thing I know, it's time and I am standing on the deck, the sun has come out for the first time all day, and my bride is walking up the aisle. I knew she would be stunning and she was, INCREDIBLE! Such a beautiful woman, I am so proud to call her my wife. I was all smiles, maybe a couple tears. The hardest thing was that the moment she got to me, all my instincts said kiss her! KISS HER! KISS HER NOW!!!!!! Which, I had to stop myself from doing, but the thought didn't go away.
My good friend, the Reverend Seth Alt, MC'd the entire ceremony, which was great because if there is one thing I know about the Reverend its that he will make you laugh, whether he means to or not. He did not disappoint, after Millissa finished her vows Seth took an extended pause and then asked me, and I qoute "Are you cool with that Peter?" It took me a moment to stop laughing, but my response was a resounding yes! After that I gave my speech/vows and then came the moment we could kiss; my brain was still telling itself "don't kiss her, don't kiss her" so it took me a second to switch gears. I stood there staring at her and then with great relief, I said to myself "hey! you can kiss her now!".
From there the rest is a blur, there were toasts, food, dances and so much more. I could never have imagined the day coming together so quickly and going as well as it did. Writing this a week later I would do anything to go back and do it all again!
At this point I would say everyone should get married, it's so easy. So far marriage has involved sushi, Jurassic Park 3D, and sleeping in. I imagine marriage over the years will be just like the first week... Well, actually quoting my mother "marriage and having kids are the hardest things you can do in life." To be frank, I welcome that, I welcome whatever life has in store for Millissa and I. What's the point of living if you don't do the hard things? Where do you get your satisfaction if you don't put it all on the line and open your heart to someone? There is no satisfaction without hardwork, there is no happiness without sadness, there are no highs without lows; don't kid yourself, we all know this is true. All I know is I am thrilled to have a partner who is as energetic, passionate and motivated as Millissa is.
Already I can see how this bond is starting to push me and put my own habits and idiosyncrasies in plain sight. I like to drive, always have, always will; I like to drive and navigate at the same time. What I don't like to do is be a passenger and tell the driver where to go when I know where to go and could just drive us there and let everyone else relax. What I'm getting at is our rental car for the week was under Millissa's name and we didn't want to pay the extra chunk of change to insure multiple drivers. So there you have it, right off the bat, I'm sitting shotgun, clamping my jaw, stomping out the selfish part of me that keeps repeating "I'm suppose to be driving".
Millissa doesn't know her way around Portland, and I'll be kind and say is lacking a clear sense of direction. Also, I don't have a car, so while I do know my way around Portland, there are still areas where I am not exactly sure of the best route. On top of that there is a big difference between navigating for yourself in your head as opposed to out loud and for someone else. For myself, I can think things like go over there, go there after you turn there... try navigating for someone else in that way. "Okay, so we are going there, first turn there, then go there and right here you go that way then flip your car and jump the alligator pit and you've made it to Costco!"
In one particular incident we were heading to the airport to pick up a friend. The plan was to park in the short-term parking and meet our friend in baggage claim. As we drove into the airport I was directing Millissa to follow the signs to the short-term parking. We needed to make a hard left, I was pointing with both hands, "there, there, it's right there, go over there", we went straight. My mother-in-law was sitting behind me, she whacked me on the shoulder and said "you're a horrible navigator, do you know words like left and right?". It was a brief heated moment that very quickly turned to laughter, yes, left and right, those words that mean so much more than "no! Where are you going? Over there, over there!" I got more used to navigating and not driving as the days went on, and as much as I didn't like it, anything that makes you break habits is good for you in some way.
The only time the entire week I almost lost it was when we went to Costco to buy beer and wine. Mind you I've never been to Costco before, I'm surprised they don't sell children there. That place is absurd, overwhelming and honestly made me a bit sick to my stomach. If you want to see overcomsumption at its finest go to Costco. Need 20 lbs of bacon and four thousand rolls of industrial strength toilet paper? They've got it all! In lieu of any fore-thought or approximations of how many beverages were needed the cart was simply piled high. I didn't even know six-packs of wine existed until then.
So what now? The wedding is over and as much as I just want to keep celebrating there is work to be done. I've got three more weeks in Portland, three weeks to pack up and get ready to move. Three weeks to finish immigration paperwork. And three weeks before Millissa and I get to be together for good! The last one is the hard part, it is amazing how quickly and sure I am about having Millissa in my life on a daily basis. Life is so much better with her around. I don't mean that when she isn't around I'm worthless or that I'm relying on her to make my life better or to make me happy. I mean that life is better when she's around because of the way we are together, because it is so easy for us to be ourselves with each other.
That's all for now!
